Castle Crags: Now Go Away, or I Shall Add Another Switchback!

Your mother was a switchback and your father smelt of elderberries! We’ve already got a spectacular view up here, and it is very nice. No, you cannot see it without climbing all those ridiculous little switchbacks. Now go away, or we shall release another false summit in your general direction!

And do not come clopping up here with two coconut halves pretending you have a horse. Bring us a shrubbery—one that looks nice and isn’t too expensive—keep that enormous wooden rabbit off the trail, and be prepared to answer questions concerning the airspeed of an unladen swallow. If your knees begin saying “Ni,” that is between you and the mountain.

Continue the siege at your own peril. Fetchez la vache!